done

kaput

i’ve had enough of keeping everything locked up

for a good couple years blogging has been

a sort of conduit

for my thoughts to wander and maybe be heard

in the past year, that has kind of stalled out

and now it serves only to stare me down

demanding satisfaction

.

.

.

which is why i’m stopping

this game of telling people things

without really telling them

has grown old

and it has kept me from being able to truly

express myself

but no more

if i want you to know something

ill say it

if you want to know something

you can ask

if i don’t tell you

there’s a reason why

its been a good run

but its time

that i start owning up in person

.

signing off

-thanh

flipping through pages

of the wondrous escapades

of a young 6-year old boy

and his imaginary stuffed tiger

i cant help

but look back on

today

yesterday

last weekend

the past month

the past year

the past…   my life

i didnt have a birthday post

so

i guess this will kind of double for that

so much

can happen

in such little time

and so little can change

over such long stretches

as summer draws to a close

i seem

so

much

busier

something with the moons aligning

as well as people scrambling

to get as much done as possible

before school rears its ugly head back around

san francisco over the weekend was awesome

partied at a very nice house in marin

made a couple new friends

learned a lot about all of them really quickly

hung out with old friends

did…  old stuff

watched movies

reminisced

and had traditional sunday brunch with…  not my family

yesterday

cookies at lernni’s

five guys (really not worth the money)

best buy

The Expendables, as anthony put it

“the best worst movie ever made”

today

Fast and Furious

FINALLY

after

over a year

the B4 gets together

with the addition of jonny and patrick

and finish our saga

finally

closing out

on this epic chapter

tomorrow is the beach

and the day after were hitting up a club in san francisco

try to plan something for friday

but saturday

elliot’s house-warming party

so…  pseudo-quasi-not-really-but-kinda-still-looking forward to it

so much to do

so little time

and yet i still feel like such a pansy for going to bed early

-out

And I didn’t mind
It’s not my kind
And it’s not my time
To wonder why

Everything’s gone white
Everything’s grey
Now you’re here,
Now you’re away

I don’t want this
Remember that
I’ll never forget
Where you’re at

Don’t let the days go by
Glycerine
Glycerine

I’m never alone
I’m alone all the time
Are you at one,
Or do you lie?

We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise
It’s like strawberry fields

I treated you bad
You bruised my face
I couldn’t love you more,
You’ve got a beautiful taste

Don’t let the days go by

Could’ve been easier
On you
I couldn’t change,
Though I wanted to

Could’ve been easier
By three:
Our old friend fear,
and you,
and me

Glycerine
Glycerine

Don’t let the days go by

Glycerine,
Glycerine

Bad moon, white again
As she falls around me

I needed you more
As we wanted us less
I could not kiss
Just regress

It might just be
Clear, simple, and plain
Well, that’s just fine
That’s just one of my names

Don’t let the days go by

Could’ve been easier
On you
You, you

Glycerine
Glycerine

Glycerine
Glycerine”

.

.

.

doubt

debate

decision

.

-done

.

.

.

.

.

retreat

reflection

reassessment

reassurance

reconciliation

.

.

.

.

what time i have

must be time well-spent

what things i say

must be things well-put

what choices i make

must be decisions well-thought out

.

.

.

take a step back

straighten yourself up

straighten out your thoughts

figure

shit

out

.

.

come to a conclusion

commit

.

-man on a mission

that has gone right in my life

time to face the music

free show earlier today downtown

music in the park

helped me get my mind off stuff

sorta

coming back

sitting here

staring at my computer screen

waiting for someone to talk to me

my mind wanders back

what to do

what to do

what to do

i honestly have no idea

im too nice

im too indecisive

im too…

conflicted

theres what i know i should do

and what i want to do

what i should

and what i do

and its tearing me apart

really, it is all my fault

always

getting into these situations

i cant escape them

because i cant escape myself

and

all of this

is just

so

stupid

go with the flow?

or fight the current…

i just

dont

know

what

the fuck

to do.

-down

i honestly dont know

if..

i care too much about this

or if i dont care enough

because somehow

it really seems like both

at the same time

i tell myself i dont want to care

even though i know i do

even though i always have

even though…

i always seem to end up at a crossroads

of course, thats life

decisions

decisions

decisions

its time i started making some

-stress

i wish i believed in a god

believed that someone is up there

overlooking everything

keeping an eye out for all of us

believed that everything is as it should be

that

this is just another part

in the grand scheme of life

because the reality

that we are just mice

blind

deaf

dumb

scurrying about the planet

trying to get by

is just so harsh

the reality

that things will never be perfect

just makes everything seem so

pointless

and our petty existance

hopeless

all we have is what we’ve got

and just the subtle differences

can versus will

want versus need

talk versus action

make all the… difference

for just once

why cant i see everything

i dont need to control the entire situation

i just want

to be able

to see it

that would be enough

.

.

.

.

.

or would it?

-in

a gift and a curse

how does something

so basic

so innocent

so

trivial

lead to such unabashed apathy

and just

confusion in the end

maybe this is why curiosity killed the cat

-tired

was a simple weekend

all i wanted

was to play videogames with oscar and alex

all

i fucking

wanted

was to have fun this weekend

but i cant have that

i cant play videogames

i cant just hang out

i cant

have

fun

instead

i find i might say goodbye to a childhood friend

sometimes

the simple things

are just so hard

to grasp

-out